The Bitch of Mare Island Golf

If Mare Island and I were dating, she could do more pull-ups than I and belch the alphabet. She would have "love" and "hate" tats on her knuckles, dress me in a skirt and dog collar and then spank me for not licking her golf spikes clean. But I would come back for more.

In sport we always hear about "match-ups." The Globetrotters own the Generals. Ghana has the USA's number in soccer, etc.

Mare Island Golf course in Vallejo dominates me. In my 11 years of golf I have broken 90 at every Bay Area public course except this track. I am decent, the handicap is now down to 13. Let me tell you why this course is The Punisher.

Some perspective. The place is a par 70 and yet the course record is only a 2-under 68. The course has a slope of 124 and should be more like 135. The blue tees are a mere 6,150 yards and the rating is 70.4. In a world of good golfers the best on this track is a 68. That is astounding.

The Mare does not care how you feel about your game. It is not a resort course for you to pound your chest and exult about your golf prowess. ( I usually walk the course too but I can't blame poor performance on fatigue.)

It has tiny greens. It has blind shots. It has crazy elevation changes. It never lets you have driver in hand every hole. Since the court is short-ish, it makes the most use out of uphill holes. Traps guard every single hole. The green-side traps at the top of hills come with extra steep lips

But my real theory for why I never break 90 is it only has 3 par 3s and one par 5. Two of the par 3s are tough, the one a thread-the-needle 190 yarder down a canyon and the other a 223-yard uphill over water. So you are not going to post 2s on your card. With only one par 5, you don't have many birdie opps. There are few chances to offset the 6, the 7 and the Snowmen that will be on your card.

Not counting the first tough par 3, the first 5 holes are benign. Then come the tough holes: a 347 uphill bender blocked on the left and right, 380- yard uphill par 4 to a sloped green no more than 40-feet in diameter, the uphill 220 yard par 3 over water and a 370 yard 9th hole uphill with a blind second shot if you don't drive it 250 yards over the crest.

The back is even tougher. On the back you really should just put away the driver and focus on hitting your spots with low irons or a utility off the tee. The 15th is straight uphill 354-yarder par 4. I cranked a drive and was about a 130 yards out, reached for my 6 iron, missed the green by 2-feet and fell back into one of steep traps. Missed first sand shot, flew the green with 4th, over hit downhill green on the way back and just quit on the hole.

You then get up to the top of 16 and its usually 30-mph cross-wind with tons of traps down below. The only bunny on the course is the par 3 17th and then you finish with an uphill par 4, 430-yarder with another tiny green.

If you break 90 here you are an hombre duro.

Stats for The Hack

It's only taken me a new set of Mizuno irons, a new Callaway driver, playing once or twice a week and practicing once or twice a week to get the handicap to 13. Why am telling you this? Because I bore my wife to tears with golf talk and only another golf nut would understand.

This is how I track my improvement. Pros are all into driving distance, greens in regulation, fairways hit, etc. That stuff is bullshit for the bogey golfer. It would be like a beer-league softball player keeping a hit chart. Here's how I break down a scorecard:


Penalty Strokes: When I stink they creep up to 10. Case in point, I was at the Bridges last month in San Ramon and pulled a 97. I had eight penalty strokes. Granted, the place is the hardest track in the Bay Area with a slope of 139 from the whites, which are just over 6,000 yards. (Slope is a measure of difficulty not actual elevation.)

I played at Stone Tree in Marin, slope of 123, and shot an 83 on Friday--with three penalty strokes--then played Sunday at the stunning Wente vineyards in Livermore where I shot an 85 and only had one penalty. And, on the hole where I had the penalty, I ended up getting par because I sank a 40-foot putt. Wente has a slope of 131 for about 6,250 yards.

Putts: You are playing decently if you have near 30 putts. Anything in the mid-30s and I will show you a scorecard with a few ochos, aka the snowman.

T-Shots: In this stat I just ask myself did I have a legitimate shot at par off my T-shot, whether it's a par 3 or a par 5? If I hit behind a tree and have to punch out, no I did not have a good T-shot. If I hit a skyball 100 yards high and 100 yards long, I did not do my job. If I hit off a par 3 but have an easy chip from near the pin or can putt from off the green then I am going to count it as a good T-shot.

So at the round in Marin where I pulled an 83 out of my butt --but not too far up the butt-- I was 13 of 18 off the tee. Did I hit fairways all the time? Hell no, but I put the ball in a place where I was not blocked and could make something good happen.

My friend Dean and I talk a lot about not GIR but AGIR, almost greens in regulation. A Green in Regulation is pretty much a measure for how many birdie opportunities you have. For the bogey golfer, an AGIR is a measure of how many par opportunities you might have. As a long time bogey golfer and errant driver of the ball, I am used to stuff like hitting miracle chips and pitches just to save bogey.

So there you have it. Those are the only stats you need.