Stats for The Hack

It's only taken me a new set of Mizuno irons, a new Callaway driver, playing once or twice a week and practicing once or twice a week to get the handicap to 13. Why am telling you this? Because I bore my wife to tears with golf talk and only another golf nut would understand.

This is how I track my improvement. Pros are all into driving distance, greens in regulation, fairways hit, etc. That stuff is bullshit for the bogey golfer. It would be like a beer-league softball player keeping a hit chart. Here's how I break down a scorecard:


Penalty Strokes: When I stink they creep up to 10. Case in point, I was at the Bridges last month in San Ramon and pulled a 97. I had eight penalty strokes. Granted, the place is the hardest track in the Bay Area with a slope of 139 from the whites, which are just over 6,000 yards. (Slope is a measure of difficulty not actual elevation.)

I played at Stone Tree in Marin, slope of 123, and shot an 83 on Friday--with three penalty strokes--then played Sunday at the stunning Wente vineyards in Livermore where I shot an 85 and only had one penalty. And, on the hole where I had the penalty, I ended up getting par because I sank a 40-foot putt. Wente has a slope of 131 for about 6,250 yards.

Putts: You are playing decently if you have near 30 putts. Anything in the mid-30s and I will show you a scorecard with a few ochos, aka the snowman.

T-Shots: In this stat I just ask myself did I have a legitimate shot at par off my T-shot, whether it's a par 3 or a par 5? If I hit behind a tree and have to punch out, no I did not have a good T-shot. If I hit a skyball 100 yards high and 100 yards long, I did not do my job. If I hit off a par 3 but have an easy chip from near the pin or can putt from off the green then I am going to count it as a good T-shot.

So at the round in Marin where I pulled an 83 out of my butt --but not too far up the butt-- I was 13 of 18 off the tee. Did I hit fairways all the time? Hell no, but I put the ball in a place where I was not blocked and could make something good happen.

My friend Dean and I talk a lot about not GIR but AGIR, almost greens in regulation. A Green in Regulation is pretty much a measure for how many birdie opportunities you have. For the bogey golfer, an AGIR is a measure of how many par opportunities you might have. As a long time bogey golfer and errant driver of the ball, I am used to stuff like hitting miracle chips and pitches just to save bogey.

So there you have it. Those are the only stats you need.